Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem….Part 2
Because I stopped entering this room wearing rose-colored glasses doesn’t make me bitter. Because I choose not to wear visible armour, doesn’t make me naive. You see, my life experiences have taught me how to move in a room full of vultures. How I behave is genuine and I try to be as low about my techniques as possible.
The issue I have is with women who, because they have been hurt, adopt this ugly mentality of being the new-renaissance “men aint sht” “I’m thinking like a ngga” “I’m playing the game” type chicks and don’t really mean it. It’s one thing if you, like myself, internalize certain beliefs so your nonchalant attitude is just a part of your natural composition. It’s a completely different issue, however, if your attitude is based on some situation(s) where you got hurt and now rather than be trapped in your feelings, you choose to behave like the Anti-woman. Now you hate love and relationships. You are a firm believer in casual sex and say you never want to get married. You start comparing men to material items and deeming them worthy of only sexual gratification. Every man has the worst intentions in mind. Every man is exactly like your triflin ex. Every man is the scum of the Earth. You declare that you love being single and will never fall victim to another heartbreak because “nggaz aint sht”.
That’s cool…….the only problem I have is that you don’t actually mean it and we all know it.
You put on a teflon suit, get infrared goggles, and camo suit and think that you are maneuvering skillfully in this room filled with vultures. What you don’t realize is that your gaudy appearance doesn’t make you more capable of moving in silence. It simply makes you a more obvious target to the vultures. In other words, people see through the act.
I always say that you can tell how hurt someone is by how much they try to do everything to prove that they aren’t hurt. This includes mentioning in nearly every oral and written dialogue something disparaging to the opposite sex and how they have adopted an attitude that either totally deviates from their stereotypical expected behavior or is very extreme in its recklessness and emotional detached nature. In laymen’s terms, they try to appear as unemotional and cold-hearted as possible.
As I mentioned in Par 1, I can speak on this because I’ve been there. Now that I’m on the other side, I see just how obvious it was that I was trapped so deep in my feelings that the jaws of life couldn’t get me out. I grew and flourished from those ugly life experiences though. It took a few lightbulb moments for me to realize that putting on that Bitter Black Woman mask didn’t hurt anyone but myself.
Deep down I wanted to be as abrasive as possible to cause hurt for the hurt I felt. I wanted people to know how badly I didn’t give a fck so they could see how strong I was. Clearly only weak people get hurt, right? I wanted people to know I wasn’t phased by the unrequited loves because I was thinking like a man. “Fuck nggaz, I’m playing the field”. That’s the motto, right? If I act hard, people will never know the nights I spent crying myself to sleep from the pain. If I say “nggaz aint sht” people won’t be able to see that one too many pulled the wool over my college-educated eyes. If I say how I don’t belive in love and make a mockery of every loving relationship, no one will be able to discover the utter shambles that occurred in mine, right?…..Wrong!
I found out after some time, that the more I tried to explain how anti-man I was, the more I showed my true feelings. Hurt people say the most extreme things known to man to not appear hurt. When people break up, look at the statuses and declarations of the dumpee. Spend some time with them following the break up and listen to the ridiculous claims they make. Pitiful right?
So when you go from a charismatic, bubbly, optimistic person to an evil, cold, negative, man/woman-bashing creature, the only one you are fooling is yourself. We don’t believe you.
My transformation to the Martian I am today came from years of experience and is further shaped by my natural laid-back, unconventional mentality. So I don’t want anyone to think I’m being hypocritical based on some of the other things you may have heard me say recently or will hear me say in the future. This is me baby. My sht is genuine. I’m talking about people who are speaking from hurt places and don’t even believe in the persona they are trying to create.
Let’s be honest here. You say you never want to get married or be in another relationship. Do you really want to spend your life single? Yeah, the single life is cool in your 20′s and even early 30′s but once you pass 40-something and you’re the only single, child-less one among your friends is that attitude still cool?
You say you’re going to start “acting like a ngga and running game on these dudes” which usually translates into casual, no strings attached sexual relationships. Let me also quickly add that most females really aren’t built for that. So many women get their heart caught in their clitoris and couldn’t maintain an appropriate friends with benefits relationship if their lives depended on it. So do you really think it’s cute to just keep having fck buddies until you die? What happens when you reach 40-something and your pucci has depreciated in value. Not only are all your fck buddies married and settled but no one is checking for 40-something pucci with a horrible carfax report. All that casual fcking and the occasional STD has run up your vaginal mileage and turned your sht into a hole of despair. But, that’s cool right?
You say “nggaz aint sht” which just means you’ve dealt with a few bad apples. So you really believe that every man on the face of the Earth is a horrible creature incapable of doing right by any woman? You say you’re going to go to women because of that. You really think that you can just learn to love the taste of vagina and form a relationship with another emotional, menstruating creature despite the fact that really don’t think you like women?
See, once you start putting these unrealistic, emotionally charged statements into perspective, it makes your future sound just a glum and depressing as it is for everyone else to watch your one-man theatrical production of the person you really aren’t.
You know what comes from trying to pretend to be this hardcore, I’m-acting-like-a-dude charade? Nothing positive for you. You get depressed and miserable because you realize that your declarations aren’t affecting the intended targets the way you want them to. You get frustrated because the people who have burned you have *gasp* moved on with their lives with not so much as the slightest indication that they were sorry for any wrong-doing or that you ever even crossed their minds. You get even more hurt because you discover your motto of “nggaz aint sht” and “love isn’t real” has turned into a self-fulling prophecy. You attract what you put out, so your “nggaz aint sht” attitude attracts….AINT SHT NGGAZ! It’s bad enough to deal with these negative emotions on a psychological aspect, but to add whipped cream on your hate filled sundae, they actually manifest themselves into physical ailments.
Bitterness, resentment, pessimism, hatred, and despair will cause havoc on your body if you allow it to dictate most of your life. You get sick more often. You get frequent headaches. Physically you just feel weighted and fatigued. You see, carrying around the dead weight of hurt will make you physically feel like an elephant is sitting on top of you. No matter how much you try to pretend you aren’t affected, it won’t be long before you start to feel the weight of that elephant chillin on your shoulders.
We all hurt and we all grieve differently. Sometimes going through that emotional purge is what it takes to give you the motivation to move on. The key is how long you stay in that phase and how much of your emotional purging you try to digest and actually make yourself believe.
See when people really don’t care about something, guess what they do? THEY DON’T CONSTANTLY SAY HOW THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT WHATEVER THAT SOMETHING IS. So if your goal is to try to make everyone belive how hard-core and ahead of the game you are, going through all these extreme declarations of sentiments you don’t actually believe is counter-productive. When I’m over someone or something, you will never hear about it again unless you bring it up and ask me a question related to it. Why? Because once I shelf someone or something that I don’t really care about, that’s where they remain…on the shelf. They aren’t of importance and I don’t care enough to mention it so why would I constantly talk about how much I don’t care about them? That’s a contradiction.
The chicks who do this are just behaving from a hurt place. You say you don’t want love but deep, deep, DEEP down inside, you do. Men don’t want bitter, man-bashing, “I think like a man” type women. Straight men don’t want a woman who says she thinks like a man.
So your declaration that “nggaz aint sht, love is for the birds, I’m never getting married” actually becomes your reality. That attitude turns men completely off. I don’t know of any men who want to get with a woman who behaves like this. The man of your dreams, who God sent to show you that all men aren’t the same could be watching you from afar waiting to kiss those tears and repair your heart. Because you are too deep in your feelings to acknowledge the role you play in repelling the GOOD MEN away, your abrasive attitude and unattractive views on life which you don’t even really believe, could turn your potential King completely off.
You know what happens to bitter young women? They grow up to be bitter, old single women with parched vaginas and cold, love-less houses.
Just stop it. Stop the show. Stop the lies. Stop the extraness. Stop, stop, STOP!
I found that I used to get a lot of commentary and giggles when I was going through my Evil stage, but people weren’t applauding it. If they were applauding it, it was because they were just as hurt as me. Men weren’t knocking down my doors to come and save me. My life didn’t gain anything positive from it. Pretending to be someone you aren’t only fools yourself. Then it becomes a matter of how long you want to allow someone else to control your life to the point that they make you put on the mask of this hideous creature. And….yes, I said control.
If someone can dictate how you view an entire gender of humans, that person has control over you. One of the most poignant quotes I’ve ever heard, which I still carry with me today, is this: If someone can step into a room and change your attitude for the worse, that person has power over you.
If your man-hating is at the hands of a man or a few men, do you really think they give a flying fck that now you are going around trying to try out lezbunism (no typo) because they made you hate all men? Do you think they will come crawling back trying to do right by you (which is what you secretly desire) or write you a 4-page apology letter once they see how you are leading the Anti-man movement? No!
Closure is something that hurt people created to try to get reassurance that something isn’t wrong with them and/or a 2nd chance to prove that person wrong. Closure is not a requirement for the disintegration of a relationship and it’s something that usually you won’t get. Acting out has absolutely no affect on the people who contributed to your pain. They don’t care. Those nggs are somewhere not thinking about you and going on about their business with a new victim. So who is the act for?
It’s ok to be hurt. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to be fed up. Hell, from time to time I may show my estrogen levels as well. What’s not ok is pretending to be this love-less, hateful creature because deep down you are in pain. You can deny the pain all you want, but if someone affected you to the point of you making generalizations on an entire gender, then you, my darling, are HURT.
The best revenge you can ever achieve is to move on and succeed. You know what really hurts people who do you wrong? When they see you doing amazing. When they look at you and can’t even recognize who you are because you have made so many positive strides. Furthermore when it’s hard for them to even see you because of how high you are flying.
Losers brag about making women bitter. You really want a dude to talk to his boys about you like this:
Loser: Yeah dawg. I quit fcking with her and the btch is going crazy. Talking about nggaz aint sht and she bout to become a lesbian and sht. Btch buggin!
But oh, when you are doing well and have moved on HE/THEY are on the opposite end of the hurt sword when they get word of how great you look, what you have achieved, and more importantly how you show no indication of even thinking about them.
Stop pretending. Stop giving these aintshtnggza and women the power to make you someone you aren’t. There is nothing wrong with being realistic and aware. Not being naive, however, is vastly different from being bitter and resentful. You can enter situations with caution without being a man hating demon spawn. It’s ok to still believe that there is good out there because there is. You can still be optimistic and hopeful AND be realistic using your experiences as a guide for awareness. You shouldn’t use them as a crystal ball of what will happen.
Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem. Let your beauty shine through in the midst of you perils.
So, uh…is your boo/baby/love of your life aware you are lusting in my inbox? Part 2
I really couldn’t even attempt to tackle this without first establishing the background on these fake ass relationships. Now, on to Part 2…
So I said I wasn’t going to say names and I won’t. So if you feel like I am talking about you….I may be, but I won’t do anything to deliberately make it obvious that I am talking about you. When I say that I can’t even count the number of times this has happened to me, I really can’t. So this is based on a plethora of offenders. So please don’t get butt-hurt and feel like I’m personally attacking you. Trust that you are among many.
Something that I have never been able to understand is why men insist on entering marriages or even serious relationships when they know they still want to play around. I just truly can’t even wrap my mind around that thought process. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. Even if it means hurting someone’s feelings, I’m not going to compromise my happiness just for someone else’s. Sorry, I just refuse to do that. If I don’t want to be with someone, I wont be with them. I don’t believe in staying with someone just for the security of a relationship until something better comes along. That’s not how life works. If your thought process is, “I’ll just get with her for now and keep her around until something better comes” then you are truly the scum of the Earth you bitch ass loser.
With that being said, I get the most interesting messages from committed men. Some are married, engaged, or in serious relationships. As if I actually needed anything else to make me lose faith in the sanctity of marriage or love, I can count on confused men with wayward peenuses to give me all the ammo I need to fuel my negative views.
Now, being in a committed relationship doesn’t render you blind and idiotic. There’s nothing wrong with harmless compliments as long as both parties are aware there is no hidden agenda behind them. What I’m talking about are the ones who pretend to be in these wonderful, loving relationships but seem to find their way into my DM and inbox trying to gain access to the Heavenly wonder betwixt my thighs. It’s even worse when I’m actually fb/twitter friends with their girlfriends/fiancées/wives. I almost feel sad for their clueless girlfriends when I see them bragging about how good their man is. Posting pics of them hugged up and/or just behaving like one of the offenses listed in Part 1 of this post.
I know these dudes have to have faith in my class and un-messiness otherwise they couldn’t be that careless as to risk the possible exposure of their triflingness. What can I say? I’m not messy. While I don’t entertain their offers, I also dont’ alert their hopelessly in love women. Why? it’s not my place. Females won’t believe close friends and family who try to alert them of their men’s bad behavior so they damn sure won’t believe a social networking “friend”. Besides, some of them have to know the caliber of man they are dealing with. I refuse to believe they are that blind.
I have had dudes send me dick pics one week and turn up engaged the next. I’ve had date offers on Monday and see the same dude in a relationship on Wednesday. If I was messy and callous, I could really ruin some happy homes by posting some of the shit in my inbox, SMS, and DM….but, again, that’s not my place nor my business.
The reason why this ties into the first post is because usually the offenders have very public relationships. The girlfriend is always bragging on some level about her intense love while this ngga wants my lady parts on a silver platter. I speak about my experiences but this is not to make it seem like I’m the only one. Whether it be instances like this or even if I’m just meeting a new dude, I never assume I’m the only female a man is dealing with….NEVER. So when I see Ms. I’mSoMadlyInLove’s boo hitting up my inbox, I know I’m one of many.
My thing is, if you are still seeking external pucci, WHY ARE YOU WITH HER?! Did she hold an AK-47 to your dome and tell you to sign that marriage license? Did she slip something in your drink and you woke up engaged or married? Do you owe some gargantuan debt to her and she worked out an arraignment involving nuptials? I mean really. No one is forcing you to be with this woman. You clearly can’t love her if your peenus is being spread across the East Coast.
That goes back to my whole stance on cheating and you all already know how I feel about that topic so I won’t even tip-toe on that or I will surely go off. I will say this much, however. If you are actively pursuing other women, you need to stop being selfish, spineless, weak, moronic, worthless, and useless and just break off the relationship. I know that’s impossible as men feel the need to have an anchor woman to fall back on while they spread their seed and contract venereal diseases and create illegitimate little bastard children with side-hoes. If not for her own happiness, at least break it off for your peace of mind so you won’t have to sneak around and start a tab of bad karma.
Who am I kidding? Dudes do it because hoes make it easy. While I personally won’t take the bait, it’s about 20-50 others who will. So these nggs can keep carrying on this social networking Will & Jada facade, whilst whoring around in inboxes and DM boxes.
Nothing makes me more sick than seeing a dude proclaiming his love for some clueless chick when only hours earlier he left some incriminating offers in my box. It’s pathetic. Furthermore, why in the hell would I even want to join you on that bad karma cruise and accept your offers?
I can’t lie, there have been a couple of times I thought about “conveniently” placing some anonymous messages in the inbox of the ones who are always praising their perfect love and bragging on how amazing their man is when I, and about 20 other chicks know better. Honestly, those are the ones who deserve that ugly wake-up call the most. Had your ass not been all over twitter and facebook always bragging on this ngga and annoying everyone with this “perfect love” you wouldn’t be looking as dumb-founded when y’all have to also publicly break up because you stumbled upon his secret stash of emails, texts, facebook messages, secret profile, and DMs. That’s what happens when you swear on another human being.
Unless the dick is in my pocket, I will never swear for what it is capable of doing. People often confuse pessimism with reality. I’m not being negative or creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, I’m just being real. People can’t seem to take honesty these days. You cannot swear for ANYONE who has a heartbeat. Think about it: How many sheltered, church girls from strict homes with bragging ass parents do you know who got turned the fck out as soon as they left home? Her parents were always the ones who said “not my daughter”, “my child would never…”….Exactly. You just can’t swear for people’s actions regardless of their relationship to you.
While it would be lovely to think that love is this perfect, magical wonder where all your social networking friends want to know about every detail of your love life and your partner will never betray you, that’s not real life. In real life, no one cares about your love life, kids, or accomplishments. It sounds harsh but it’s the truth. With the exception of a few genuine friends and some family, no one cares about the positive shit in your life. If you don’t believe me, put nothing but positive, generic inspirational statuses up for a week. The next week, put up nothing but miserable, negative, evil statuses. Count how the number of comments at the end of each week and compare. It’s nothing personal, nor do most people hold ill-feelings about you. People just don’t care. Hell, as a parent I know people don’t care when I talk about my kid. Other parents will only talk about your kid(s) so they can talk about theirs and that’s real. People may wish you well about some accomplishment but they don’t care to hear about it all the time. When it comes to your perfect, Heaven-sent boo people really don’t give the first flying fck about every detail of y’all’s love life.
So to go along with the previous post, it really makes no sense to brag about this wonderful love you have when your man is spending all his free time building a superb team of jump-offs and side-pieces to entertain his whorish ways. Nine times out of ten, people are laughing at you for your constant love parade because everyone is aware of his aintshitness except you. Perhaps if you spent some time off of twitter and facebook talking about how wonderful the ngga is, you may be able to remove your crimson colored shades and see him for the sorry, scumbag, STD-ridden, lying, cheating ass loser he really is.
If you don’t have a GPS on the whereabouts of his dick, stop bragging about your love life on the Internet. For every decent, classy female such as myself who ignores the advances of your “perfect” man, there are 63 other scallywags who don’t care what the ngga’s relationship status says or how much you write all his wall and tag him in stupid ass love statuses.
Get your head out of your asses and get that high school “me and ___ forever” type bullshit outta here. You may think people are “hating” or “jealous” but the only reaction your extra-ness is generating is ridicule and laughter. Bitches be forever losin….Hoes be forever winnin….
So, uh…is your boo/baby/love of your life aware you are lusting in my inbox? Part 1
*Whilst in the middle of typing I realized that this is going to be too much for one post. So I have to make this a 2-parter*
Ok, all the guilty parties can breathe a collective sigh of relief. I’m not naming names. So there’s no need to try to scramble to hide the evidence and unfriend/unfollow me. That’s not what this is about. What this is about is the disgustingly gratuitous display of pseudo love on social media and its lack of correlation to genuine happiness within that relationship.
I can’t remember if I have blogged about this before, but I know I tweet about it a lot. So if you feel I am being redundant, I apologize….ok, not really.
I’ve never been a fan of PDA on social media. Particularly, excessive PDA. If you saw me doing it, it was more behind it, trust me…I’ll leave it at that for those who want to call me a hypocrite. I hate it actually and I have always hated it despite many people’s assumptions. It’s not cute to me, at all. I have always believed that when something is real, you don’t need to constantly try to use social media and whatever other platform to make the public believe it. There is nothing more sickening than a couple who are facebook friends and twitter friends. Their pages look something like this:
Girlfriend’s status: My babe is the best! I am the luckiest girl in the world. Love is so wonderful 
I love you babe!
Boyfriend’s comment to status: I love you too bae
Girlfriend’s comment: XOXO <3 LoL (insider) 
Before I continue, let me point out the different types of aggravating ass social network relationships right quick.
1) This is the one where the boyfriend (because it’s usually females who push social network PDA the hardest) isn’t on Twitter or FB or at least has managed to hide his page from her. All her statuses and tweets consist of “him” and “baby” but never an actual name for this alleged significant other: “So ready to see HIM” ,”HE is the best! Always surprising me!”, “Ready to see what HE has in store for me later ” ,”[insert random love song lyric] I love me some HIM”……and so forth. No one actually knows just who the fck ”HIM” is mind you. In those cases, a lot of times the “HIM” actually already has a “HER” or the chick is a confused jumpoff who knows enough to know that she can’t publicly claim “HIM” but is delusional enough to believe their relationship goes beyond him nutting on her bed linen.
2) They are both on social media sites but she/he is the only one doing the PDA. I have to admit, this is the type that I enjoy the most because it’s the most entertaining to watch. I cannot tell you all how often I come across this type. Her page will be filled with statuses dedicated to how much she loves him, she tags him in everything, writes all over his page, jumps in comments that were directed to him, and other such acts of basicosity. He, on the other hand, despite seeing all her dedications of love ignores the fck outta her. She will write all over his wall, talking about how much she misses him, despite having seen him but a mere few hours earlier. She writes love poems, love messages, and other sappy shit all over his pics, statuses, EVERYTHING yet he completely dismisses it or brushes it off with a generic response if he does respond. Hell, I’ve seen cases where they will acknowledge everyone else EXCEPT the girlfriend. They respond to everyone else’s comments except hers. Sometimes she will continue to comment and look like she’s talking to a damn ghost. This is pitiful for the girl/guy but funny as shit to me.
3) This is the echelon of nausea inducing fckery. This is where they both are actively involved in gratuitous social network PDA. They follow each other on twitter and tweet each other all day. They’re friends on facebook and comment on each other’s shit all day with sexual innuendo, inside jokes (I never understood why losers put “inside jokes” on a PUBLIC site. For what?!), sappy love messages, and any other possible annoying act of pseudo love a couple can do. Usually these couples see each other in real life every fcking day.
Now, regardless of which of the 3 takes place, they are all equally annoying and indicative of no real love in the relationship. When love is real, there is no need to be extra on Facebook and Twitter. The most meaningful, purest, and long-lasting relationships are the ones that people know very little about. Now there’s nothing wrong with a declaration of your genuine happiness once every blue moon because I imagine when you are in love, you want the world to know. But when people have to hide your updates because every single status, comment, tweet, whatever has something to do with love or your significant other, then you are doing too much.
Just like every other aspect of life, when you know in your heart that something is real, be it love, your social status, religious character, or whatever else then there is no need to constantly broadcast it. What people fail to realize or just plain ignore, is that excessive declarations of love don’t make us believe you two are that much in love. You aren’t making your single girls jealous. You aren’t keeping the thirsty hoodrats at bay. You aren’t ensuring that he/she never leaves. You aren’t making him/her fall that much deeper for you. The only thing you are successfully achieving besides annoying the fck out of everyone is making us aware that your love is not genuine and your relationship won’t last.
You know how they say it jinxes the relationship when you get your partner’s name tattooed on you? The same applies to these excessive social media PDAers. Think about it: People who have made it their business to constantly talk about their boo all over the internet usually end up breaking up…………….Think about it……………..*whistles*………….YEP! Exactly. Why does this happen? Because the love wasn’t genuine and there were too many external factors affecting it.
When you are airing out all the details of your relationship, good or bad, you are inviting a crowd to critique, advise, gossip, mutilate, spectate, interfere, and judge everything about your love life. You know how it goes. Someone who was a chronic PDAer breaks up and doesn’t utilize that lovely “turn relationship status notifications off” button *wink* and about 20 people comment on it asking “what happened?”, “oh noooooo you two were so good together” and so forth. So Heaven forbid you were actually heartbroken about the shit, but now you have people inboxing, texting, tweeting trying to pry into the nitty-gritty, painful details of it. Rehashing the details about a breakup is sometimes just as bad as the actual breakup itself. When that happens, you have no one to blame for the stampede of WhoWhatWhy-ers because that’s the condition you created.
Had you not spent every waking moment of your life talking about the love of your life and how perfect your life was you wouldn’t be in the embarrassing and awkward position of having to eat your words and retreat to social networking solitude. Suddenly all those “my boo is the best” statues turn into “why is everyone in my business” ,”I just want to be left alone”, “kill me now” statuses. That’s the reality YOU created so sit and deal with the outcome from your extra-ness.
Some people don’t mind sharing every intimate detail of their life with the public. So if that’s you, then by all means, go be great and give a play by-play of how you found out your cousin was fckin your boo while you were at work and he cleaned out your bank account and also gave you herpes. However, if the thought of having to explain what went wrong to your seemingly perfect relationship makes you shudder, then you need to scale it down and ask yourself how genuine your love really is.
I think one of the easiest ways of retreating is if you are an offender of either the 1st or 2nd PDA types I listed. It’s easy to stop talking about this magical “him” when the ngga isn’t even on facebook. People will start to assume “HIM” isn’t real, so because there is no concrete evidence, his disappearance from your statuses/tweets can be flawless.
The 2nd type is also easy to scale down. For the life of me I never understood why females, and some dudes, insist on littering their boo’s page with all these one-sided love declarations. Hell, if I speak to you one time and you don’t speak back I won’t make any further attempts at communication. So I really can’t understand why they allow themselves to look so publicly desperate and delusional by flooding pages with unanswered sappiness. Dude logs on everyday and responds to all his homies and even some other chicks, but hasn’t even done as much as hit “like” on your comment about how deeply in love you are. I call those hoes S&M lovers. Because you truly have to enjoy humiliation, pain, and misery to continue to commit that offense. But again, this is one of the easier offenses to correct. Just STOP hounding him! Clearly he’s on facebook/twitter as he communicates with everyone except you. When he wants to be sweet, he will do it whether it on facebook or not. Chill!
The last offense, however, is the one that’s harder to correct. When both partners are active on social media and flood each others Internet lives, they both need to chill. Usually it happens when one partner finally grows weary of the constant social media communication and starts to limit their correspondence. Then the offending partner falls into category 2. Sometimes it may even be necessary to unfriend/unfollow the other if their fckery gets too out of hand. But, just like the other 2, this 3rd offense can be corrected.
Regardless of what type of offender they are, the bottom line is it’s all annoying and looks like a theatrical production to everyone else. You can’t even say that you don’t care about other people’s opinions and are just doing it for yourself because if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t put it online. Let’s be honest, you put shit up that you want people to see. You want people to see your new house. You want people to see how your ass looks in those jeans. You want people to know you can buy a new car off the lot and upload the pics of it. The same applies to your love life. You want people to know you have a man/woman. You want people to think you are deeply in love. If you didn’t care what people thought then YOU WOULDN’T BOTHER TO PUT IT ONLINE! So let’s cut that bullshit out right now.
When its real, you don’t have to put on for the city. I dont’ even think couples should be friends on social networking sites honestly. The only instance where it is acceptable is when they were already friends or one or the other isn’t very active on social media. Otherwise, you are allowing all types of impurities to infiltrate your relationship.
One thing about me, when it comes to social media, I only share the shit I don’t care about. Meaning, I don’t care if people know about it, talk about it, or laugh about it. So even if you see statuses/tweets that you assume are showing some extreme emotion, trust it’s really not. I’m never as ____ as you think I am if it’s expressed on twitter and facebook. That’s something I’ve stopped doing years ago when I realized how people allow social media to dictate their perception of reality.
If you’re happy, be happy but don’t try to make us believe that you two are happy and dangerously in love simply because it’s all over your profiles and pages. The sweetest, most meaningful love is the love that isn’t publicly declared every minute of the day on the world-wide web. It’s the love that happens when you log off. It’s the love that occurs just between the two of you. It’s the love that is so deep you can’t even begin to try to express it in 140 characters because it’s understood on a level that is only shared between you and your significant other.
So miss me with all that Facebook/Twitter love. We know your relationship has an expiration date. We just enjoy watching you narrate your messy ass life for all to see.
Oh…So we really just truly don’t GAF at this point I see…
*Warning: Strong Language Below. So don’t read if you can’t deal with exposing your virgin eyeballs to vulgarity*
“I like a long haired thick red bon
Open up her legs then filet mignon that pussy
I’m a get in and on that pussy”
“Uhh, how do he say what’s never said?
Beautiful black woman, I bet that bitch look better red
Limpin off tour cause I made more off my second leg
Muh’fuckin Birdman Junior, 11th grade”
“Hello world, I’m with a yellow girl, number 2 pencil
These rappers is washed up, spin cycle, rinse you
My nigga, all day, all night, half pipe
I dive in that pussy, yeah I belly flop, I jackknife and shit”
“Okay I’m lookin for a REDBONE
And when I get her I’m goin
Tap it like a Fed Phone
And shawty talk about her man
She said tired of him
I said well baby I’m gonna have you
Tryin to hide from him
And if it’s weezy”
……And that’s just wayne. Let’s go to the next jiggaboo…..
“What could I do to kick it off how bout I cum all on your dick and then I lick it off.
I mean it’s something so funny when it get soft I like to play with it
Squeeze it like a stress ball he say he like to hear the sound of me slurpin it.
Turn off his phone cause them hoes keep churpin it.
Tell me that I get the fattest pussy in the whole world and if I let him eat it I can be his o girl.
Fuck I look like turning down some head I mean that’s sorta like a bird turning down some bread.
You can eat it like a treat, you can squirt it, you can skeet, I’m a freak I love to beat just don’t get none in my sheets.”
“Wobbledy wobble, wo-wo-wobble, wobbin’
Ass so fat, all these bitches’ pussies is throbbin’
Bad bitches, I’m your leader, Phantom by the meter
Somebody point me to the best ass-eater
Tell ‘I’m “Pussy clean! ” I tell them “Pussy squeaky! “
Niggas give me brain ’cause all of them niggas geeky
If he got a mandingo, then I buy him a dashiki
And bust this pussy open in the islands of Waikikiiiiii…”
*sigh*……So, I’m listening to the radio this morning and I hear perhaps the most disturbing bit of info I’ve heard since Michael Jackson’s death. Apparently, at some educational institution in Florida, Lil wayne and Nicki Minaj were awarded honorary degrees and selected as Teachers of the year over actual teachers mind you. The criteria for receiving this award: “ability to capture and maintain attention, the ability to move their audience or create interaction, the ability to inspire, effective use of language, use of memory devices, ability to transform behavior or make them do as you do, and the quality of the content. “ (Huffington Post)
I didn’t even realize that i could be so enraged so early in the morning. Let me list my grievances before I go any further:
First- I think we can go ahead and safely assume that the credibility of this “Better Education Place” needs to be determined. If they can, in all seriousness, award something that is usually associated with prestige, achievement, and honor to two people who support misogyny, self-hatred, drug use, violence, and overall ignorance then I believe it’s safe to assume they aren’t relevant in terms of educational value.
Second-What the hell kind of slap in the face is that to ACTUAL teachers who are underpaid and passionate about their jobs. From what I understand Florida has some horrid ghettos and the minorities are plagued with all sorts of sub par living conditions. Violence is heavy is certain areas of Florida and there is an overall air of hopelessness and acceptance. Now throw those conditions over to teachers who are already overworked, stressed out, underpaid, and bear the weight of being responsible for shaping the future generations. Next to emergency workers, teachers have perhaps the most important career of ALL possible career choices.
Third-After listing the criteria for receiving this award, if the committee was still going to randomly pick rappers, what happened to Common, Mos Def, Black thought, Chuck D, Talib, Little brother….I could on and on. The point is, if they had already decided to spit in the teachers’ faces, why not at least slightly lessen the humiliation by actually selecting rappers who spread intelligence, positivity, *gasp* meaningful lyrics? Common preformed for the president….THE PRESIDEN OF THE UNITED FCKING STATES OF AMERICA!!!! But he is snubbed over the ngger who needs subtitles when he speaks on national TV. Oh.
If you have followed my blog long enough you already know that just like infidelity, the poor representation of our community is a hot issue for me and I’m very passionate about it. I will try not to turn this into a dissertation so I won’t lose my job and end up ironically becoming the stereotypes of which I despise. So let me try to make this as short and to the point as possible….FUCK LIL WAYNE AND FUCK NICKI MINAJ AND FUCK THIS “SCHOOL” WHO GAVE THIS RIFUCKINGDICULOUS ASS AWARD!!!
Let me just go ahead and get this out-of-the-way. I hate Nicki and I’m not a fan of Wayne. I don’t care if YOU are a fan, I’m not. So don’t try to flood me with hate mail and reasons why I should drink the kool-aid and submit my application to the coonaminati because you’d be wasting your breath. I don’t like them, never will, never did and there’s nothing you or anyone can say to make me change my mind. In fact, after reading this story, I actually despise them even more than before. I’d be a hypocrite if I said I didn’t sway my hips to their music in the club but that has nothing to do with how I feel about the artists. I don’t buy their music and I don’t support their movements. Now that that’s out-of-the-way, let’s move on.
I understand the overall gist of what this “school” ( I will keep using quotation marks until someone can provide me with some sort of proof of its legitimacy and accreditation) was going for. Let’s face it, rappers have a lot of influence over not only the kids but society as a whole. I’ve seen white suburban kids who haven’t even been exposed to that many minorities, transform themselves into pseudo gangsters just to emulate their favorite rappers. Girls will wear ridiculous two toned weaves and subject themselves to dangerous butt implants to look like their favorite rappers. I’ve seen little boys abandon the notion of achieving higher education to become professional coke dealers because their favorite rappers glamorize the lifestyle. So I know these people have influence over our kids. My problem is why the fck is something so horrible being encouraged?!?!
It’s kind of like admitting that a company has a problem with treating their employees shitty. But rather than improve the working conditions, they issue mass and random layoffs. You have recognized a problem, but rather than correct it, you embrace it, promote it, and celebrate it. WHY?!
I don’t believe in that “secret society” crap but if it did exist, I’m 12,000% certain Lil wayne is like the fcking Commander-in-Chief or something. This little ignorant, gremlin has an insane amount of power over our community. Lil Wayne has managed to make an entire race of men hate their own women. Lil wayne has glamorized being “light-skinned, redbone, yellow” and whatever other ignorant niggerish complexion adjectives there are, to the point where he influenced men’s decision-making when it comes to dating. Because coons can’t think for themselves or make sound judgment not influenced by music, the cool thing to do is to hate dark-skinned women and worship light-skinned ones. Because surely complexion is indicative of character, intelligence, job skills, moral value, and whether or not you get into heaven. We all know after you die God has a separate list for light-skinned women that gives them a higher priority on getting into the pearly white gates. We all know that when you go to apply for a job, “complexion” is one of the questions on the application. We all know that when you go into a bank to apply for a loan, checking “light-skinned” on the application will somehow increase your credit score by 300 points and immediately grant you that loan. I mean, that’s how life works, right? Let me digress before I turn this into another blog….
I personally know of lil niglets who use complexion as a barometer of attractiveness for a woman. Sadly, this is an actual conversation I overheard:
“She light enough so she ok. But she would be bad if she was redder”…Yes the niglet said “redder”. Then the other niglet proceeded to give a direct quote from Wayne, “beautiful black woman but I bet that bitch look better red.” As they laughed at their ignorance, it took all of the life in my body not to report them as terrorists.
In addition to promoting self-hatred, ignorance, and misogyny, lil wayne also influences attire. His skin-tight jeans, facial tats, lip rings, wallet chains, and overall homoerotic style of dress can be seen in any hood, suburb, farmland, and tribal village of the world.
Nicki is just a clone of Wayne with fake tiddays and a fake ass. She preaches pretty much the same. She promotes using as little of your brain as possible whilst maximizing the return on passing out your pucci to wealthy suitors. She encourages hoodratism, gold-digging, stupidity, and poor fashion choices. Nicki minaj has a following so deep that they call themselves Barbies and actually emulate her style of dress and overall mannerisms. Horrid, beastly creatures wear hot pink and blonde weaves and dress themselves up ridiculously and subscribe to her ghettoisms of life.
So in terms of meeting the basic criteria for the award (ability to capture and maintain attention, the ability to move their audience or create interaction, the ability to inspire, effective use of language, use of memory devices, ability to transform behavior or make them do as you do, and the quality of the content) they absolutely win. However, the judges seem to have neglected that final criterion…the QUALITY of the content.
By those standards, Hitler should have won an award as well. Despite the fact he was a sadistic monster, he captured attention, moved an audience, inspired, effectively used language and memory devices, and transformed behavior to make them do as he did. After all, it was Hitler who said this completely factual quote: “Tell a lie often enough, loud enough, and long enough, and people will believe you.” People will believe anything you say if you say it often. How else could you move people to try to wipe out an entire population? But the QUALITY of the content was obviously beyond flawed.
The point I’m trying to make is if these idiots are just basing their decisions on people who can influence a population, then any old terrorist, villan, and serial killer can win. Charles Manson had a following. Marilyn Manson swayed a generation of young people. Bin Laden had people so into his message they sacrificed their lives. So why didn’t any of them receive teacher of the year awards? The way I see it, Nicki and Wayne’s messages are just as poisonous, detrimental, terroristic, violent, evil, and downright ignorant as any of the aforementioned people. According the criteria, they ALL could have won the award. If the basis is just being able to influence a nation, then dammit acknowledge those who use their powers of influence for good. Why continue to spread the shit all over the floor instead of attempting to clean it up?
We know this generation of kids sucks. Yes, I said it. Hell, they do. I don’t know what the fck is in the water but kids nowadays are horrid little out of control demon spawns. We get it. So rather than laying back and saying, “fck it we don’t have control, these rappers have more control than us” why not put a genuine effort into recognizing those hard-working souls who doing everything in their human power to counter these destructive rap ideals? By giving these morons awards for adding to the shambles of our community, they are making it look acceptable. That’s like awarding a serial killer award for his creativity in managing to avoid the FBI for so long.
Just STOP! Stop giving these coonberries credit that they don’t deserve. I have yet to hear anything positive come from either of their mouths. If by some corporate induced instance they actually do say something teetering on the line of positivity, you can bet your last brown penny it was written/encouraged/out-right forced by their management. It’s called “damage control” and “marketing”. The only way this story could have been any worse is if they gave the award to Waka Flocka or Lil Boosie.
I don’t care how you try to spin it and re-word it, there is nothing positive about awarding Nicki and Wayne “teacher of the year”. The only thing I see occurring from this is even more brainwashed kool-aid drinkers subscribing to the ignorance promoted by rappers who have not an ounce of concern about the lives of the people who worship them.
Will Wayne bail you out when you get locked up for hustling? Will Nicki bring you magic pills to cure all of the STD’s you acquiring from whoring around to try to use men? Will Wayne cure the heartbreak from discovering that just because she’s a high yella redbone, that’s not indicative of her being a shitty and horrible person? Will Nicki hire you because you decided to permanently dye your hair pink and blonde and get fake lashes and other such extras so now you can’t get an actual job? Will Wayne put you on to Young Money since you tattooed random hood shit on your face so now you can’t get a job anywhere and now have a criminal record?
No?…..Oh.
Give accolades to people who deserve it. I have so many acquaintances who teach and genuinely love what they do. I know so many teachers who put in overtime to make sure that they were helping students out to the best of their ability. I know teachers who have gone above and beyond their expectations not for the paycheck, but because they knew that with some extra encouragement, they had to power to make sure that a student got into a university or passed their required testing. Where are their awards? Where’s their pay increase? Where is their Huffington Post story? How on Earth can so many people who genuinely deserve an award and actually meet its criteria to the T be snubbed so idiots who don’t care whether your child lives or dies can get the award?!?!
When our country starts awarding ignorance and giving high fives to people who are involved in the destruction of our youth, I can say that I know for a fact Jesus is coming back. This can’t be life…
Oooh yeah girl run that game…..
I love the way you lie….not really.
One of my favorite little “people games” I enjoy playing is asking questions to which I already know the answer. Whenever I get into a relationship or whatever you want to call it, I always issue this disclaimer in some way: I find out everything and if I ever ask you what you may deem a “random” question, I actually already know the answer.
That just doesn’t apply to relationships but in every aspect of my life. I’m very critical of other people but mostly myself. Because of this I always second guess myself in everything I do in my never-ending neurotic quest for perfection. So despite my complete aversion to asking for help, if I actually do ask for verification that I have completed a task correctly, I usually have. I will spend hours trying to figure out how to do something before I break down and ask for help. Because of all the time I spent researching and trying to figure out the solution on my own, once I actually get someone to confirm whether or not my efforts were successful, I have managed to find the appropriate resolution. I usually have an idea that my solution is correct but I just like to hear it from another party….Blame it on the Virgo in me. *shrugs*
When I say that I always find out about deceit, I don’t mean it as a threat. It’s not some cryptic prophecy of a drama filled acquaintanceship with me. It’s just the truth. I FIND OUT EVERYTHING! ALWAYS! Even if I don’t uncover it immediately, I discover discrepancies rather quickly. because of my natural detailed, intuitive, and attentive nature, I pay attention to everything and unknowingly interrogate the people I encounter. Well, I should clarify. I only do this with the people who can actually capture my attention long enough for me to even care about what they are saying. Some people immediately get sifted to the “not that deep” box and the “mindless chatter” sub box. Those people could very well be fabricating their entire life stories every time they talk to me but because they aren’t relevant enough to be filtered, I could care less.
We could be having a conversation about your day but little do you know my brain is comparing your encounter with a coworker to the detailed report I ran when you first mentioned this coworker. All those questions I initially asked have now come back to bite you in the ass because although you forgot what you said, the elephant never forgets. You forgot that you told me months ago that you would never date him because he was married and a liar. Now you are telling me about a date you went on with said coworker. My mother has always complained about the fact that I want every little detail of a story when she talks to me. I can’t help it. I need to know all parts of the story. I must have a visual so I can then dissect and analyze the content. I don’t even realize I do it. It just happens. Because this is simply a part of my being, I figure I may as well use it to my advantage and use it to help weed out unsavory characters.
I hate liars. I also hate when people undermine my intelligence and believe that as cognizant as I am, they can actually deceive me and keep me permanently in the dark about it. So it is beyond my scope of comprehension as to how someone can blatantly lie when I have access to tools that will allow me to present them with a detailed report which will clearly document all relevant evidence and serve almost as their unknown blood signature proving their guilt.
I’m not a snoop. This isn’t a blog talking about how I will always find out guilt because I search drawers and hack Facebook accounts. I’m a firm believer that when you go looking for sht, you most certainly will step in it. This is simply talking about the fact that I have exceptional skills in combining my basic intuition with my extensive detail gathering capabilities. This is the reason why I don’t overreact or spazz out over “women’s intuition”. Unlike a lot of females, I never react over that gut feeling no matter how strong it is. I will wait until I can present you will all undeniable evidence of your deceit. I’ve done it several times before.
Some people are just sloppy with their lies too. For example: Don’t tell me that you aren’t seeing other women when some female has YOUR picture as HER profile pic on Facebook and there are conversations where you allude to sexual encounters with other women. This is stuff that you don’t even dig for. It pops up on news feeds as soon as you log on!
Here’s a word of advice to any of my potential victims who want to try to apply for the position: Don’t lie to me….EVER. Not only do I always find out but when I do, I will crush your ego with a gratuitous boulder-like blow and make you question your self-worth. In other words, I will make you feel like a stupid, worthless asshole depending on the severity of your infraction.
Again, this isn’t idle “bitter angry black woman” (or whatever you want to deem it) threats. I have people who can attest to my claims. Don’t lie. Especially when I can present you instantly with 5 pieces of evidence to prove that you are lying.
Don’t save her. She don’t wanna be saved…
So I’ve been meaning to address this story for a few days now. I haven’t read a news story that enraged me like this in a while. You see, on my seemingly endless list of things I hate, this category of debauchery holds a special place. As expansive and colorful as my vocabulary is, I don’t think I can even verbally illustrate just how much I hate this particular group of fckery. The group I’m discussing is hoodrats, coons, ghetto-ism, stereotypical urban behavior, ignorant close-minded “the white man is against me” blacks…you get what I’m saying. This segment of the population wears the crown on my insanely long list of grievances. Those who know me, know that there is nothing I hate worse than a hoodrat and their demented mentality.
Needless to say, my hatred was doused with gasoline when I read this story.
This woman is 37 years old with 15 children with several different fathers and of course in typical Section 8 fashion, some of the fathers are locked up. Now, I’d like to consider myself a non-judgmental person. Hell, I have a child out-of-wedlock. The key word in my statement is CHILD, meaning that I only have ONE. Upon realizing just how difficult a preventable situation is, usually people will take the proper precautions to prevent themselves from falling back into that situation. This isn’t to knock anyone with 2, 3, or even 4 kids out-of-wedlock. Life happens and children are blessings. However, after 15 children, it’s clear that you have no clear concept on how life works.
Back to the story…So not only did this semen depository lay on her back and get pregnant 20 or more times (yes, with 15 children you will not make me belive that she hasn’t also had at least 5 abortions) she obviously is living on government assistance. If it’s not enough that our tax dollars are funding her lack of basic comprehension skills and inability to make appropriate decisions, she has the audacity to demand that the government come and “save her” from her deplorable self-imposed world of destitution and peril.
Next to Sandusky and 98% of the GOP who have been in the headlines lately, I have never wanted to find a way to reach through my screen and strangle someone more than I have with her.
It wasn’t just the fact that she doesn’t know how to NOT open her legs. It wasn’t just the fact that she is in need of even more assistance for raising her children. It’s not even the fact that she is upset that the government won’t provide her with assistance in the face of eviction. It is the fact that she is perfectly content with her lifestyle and making not even the most miniscule effort to improve her situation.
I’ve already blogged about my disgust over people in general who believe that the world owes them anything more than death and taxes. In situations where you have created your current situation, believing that you are owed something and becoming indignant about it the recipe for a lifetime of misery. This woman not only created her own hell but started the cycle for her offspring to also play victim in this “evil world that doesn’t want them to prosper”.
I believe that after a certain amount of children, women who seem to be career welfare recipients need to undergo mandatory sterilization. I also feel like deadbeat dads need to be sterilized. Let us not forget the 29 yr old dude who went to court a couple of years ago for child support over his 28 or so children.
I’m not knocking anyone who receives government assistance and actually needs it while they try to get back on their feet. That is ideally the purpose of government assistance: to ASSIST you whilst you are trying to improve your situation. Hoodrats, however, seem to have adopted this mentality that government assistance is a career path and owed to them. We’ve all seen it before. The females who seem to pop babies out solely for the purpose of their potential worth in government aid. This seems to be the case for this parasite above.
Apparently this woman has never worked a day in her life. I’m assuming that her mother also leached off the system as this mentality is typically something that is passed down from generation to generation of losers. So it’s clear that growing up, she starting accepting man juice deposits and popping out babies. Upon realizing that she could cash in on her lil illegitimate crumb snatchers, she associated child-birth with financial gain. Having never earned a paycheck or furthered her education, she never understood the importance of hard work and setting attainable goals. So when the government refused to continue to fund her career as a professional human carrier, she felt attacked. After all, that’s what the government does, right? They are supposed to pay for you when you need something, right? I have all these kids and I can’t feed them so the government is supposed to help, right? Wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG!!!
The only victims in this story as well as others who also lead this lifestyle are the kids. They certainly didn’t ask to be here and they shouldn’t suffer because their ignorant mothers think contraception is one of the charges their baby’s daddy received during sentencing. At the same time, it’s not fair to those of us who actually work hard and learn from our mistakes to have to support someone else’s poor judgment. Rather than increase the amount of welfare per child, I feel it would be more efficient if it started DECREASING after the recipient continues to pop out children and has yet to make any noticeable effort improve her condition.
How can you even fix your mouth to say that after having 15 children you feel snuffed because the government isn’t “saving you”?! Hell, I work everyday and I need to be saved! With that mentality, why isn’t the government saving those of us who are actually TRYING to improve our lives and not irresponsibly flooding the population with little Jontavarioous’s and Quantrandeesha’s?! If the government owes assistance to women whose only accomplishment in life is beating the record time for the fastest delivery of a human, then what about those of us who go to school, work 2 and 3 jobs, but still can’t catch a break? Where the hell is my aid? Where is my relief and my assistance for actually doing what the fck I’m supposed to do?!
The thing is while I would love to have this magical aid, I know that I have to work for what I want. I’ve worked since I was legally able to and that has been my mentality ever since. Even though I was somewhat spoiled as a child and even into adulthood, I never once felt entitled. My parents provided me with my desires whilst also instilling in me an exceptional work ethic. I was taught if I want it, then God-willing it’s up to me and only me to obtain it. They taught me that no one on this planet owes you anything. So because I have this mentality, hearing this story is absolutely mind-boggling to me.
I can’t even begin to try to understand how someone who lives on the same planet as me can spend her entire life leaching off the system and playing a victim because she doesn’t feel she is receiving the proper compensation for breeding. I’m really trying not to go into my rant about government aid. That’s a whole nother blog in itself so I will try to keep my attitude about it to a minimum. I will, however, say that our system is incredibly flawed. This story is probably a golden ticket for any GOP presidential candidate. This woman represents the mentality that the conservatives have about government aid recipients. People who actually NEED government assistance and utilize it properly are hurt because she is one of many who are fueling the fight to limit or completely eliminate it altogether.
In today’s economy there is absolutely nothing wrong with receiving aid when you need it and are in active pursuit of life quality enhancement. However, there is EVERYTHING wrong with continuously getting knocked up by deadbeat dads and expecting the people who actually work hard for what they want and need to support you. I’m tired of working like a slave to support hoodrats who are probably living better than me thanks to government aid. I’m tired of little lost fatherless black girls continuing this detrimental cycle of failure because of their skewed sense of entitlement and low self-esteem. I’m tired of our government making it easier to have 20 kids and live lavishly than to go to graduate school and find employment in your field upon graduation.
Something has to give!!!
There are tons of Angel Adams all across the US. Tons of ignorant, intellectually stifled females crying “woe is me” and ”save me” from THEIR poor decisions. Well before their little leech jr’s start submitting their applications to be fed off of MY hard work, it’s time that we nip this sht in the bud.
If I can’t get any aid after having 1 child and raising her alone, then damn it you certainly shouldn’t receive aid for having 15 of those little fckers. Playing a victim all your life gets you no where. While it’s too late for loose-cooch-Lucy up there, hopefully somehow her children (who have since been removed her custody) can learn that despite how they were partially raised, they aren’t owed a thing in this life. Also, hopefully because of the deplorable living conditions, they will be opposed to idea of having several children without a spouse and sufficient income to support them.
This cycle has to end somewhere. If not, we will have career fairs at high schools which will have more booths for how to apply for welfare than for how to apply to a university.
Birth control and Trojans are beautiful creations. Let’s use them appropriately…
The Daddy Diaries….
As you all probably already know, I hate a lot of things. When it comes to life, dating, people, and so forth there are a plethora of gripes that fuel my rage. As a single mother, I have recently added a new offense to my ever-growing list of “My Most Hated things”: Captain Save-A-Mom.
Bean’s dad is a horrible father so of course I would love to meet a man who loves her as his own and provides her with that fatherly figure that I would like in her life. However, when we are in the early stages of getting to know each other you shouldn’t be pressing the issue of meeting her and/or getting to know her. Hell, WE’RE still trying to get to know each other. During those early stages I’m still in the Candidate Screening Phase to determine if you will even make it to Round 2 of the interviews. Meeting my child should be the least of your concerns. You have to first prove to me that you are worthy to keep around and are suitable enough to meet her.
I think I understand the mentality of some of these pseudo superheros. They naturally assume that as mothers, we are all looking for fathers for our children. So even if they have no Earthly intention of staying around and actually assuming that role, they want to at least give you the impression that they do. They figure that you’ll give up your panties and heart at astronomically high speeds if they pretend that they are interested in your kids.
Their mentality reads something like this: “I mean, a mother loves her children, right? I know she probably wants a man who wants to be around the kid. So if I seem really interested in her brat too, she will melt in my hands. I will ow n the pucci.”
While this works on some vulnerable, half-assed moms I’m here to tell y’all that it doesn’t work on the good ones. We all aren’t out here hunting for fathers for our kids. While I would like the man who I intend on becoming serious with to accept my Bean, I don’t need that to be his major selling point. As a matter of fact, my child shouldn’t even be any of your concern unless we are very serious and exclusive, you have passed all the background checks, and been offered the position.
I recently met a guy who within the same weekend of us meeting, wanted to take me AND Bean out. After telling him that I don’t feel comfortable bringing my daughter around a man who I’ve known for less than 48 hrs, he tried to comfort me by telling me he too had a daughter. He never saw her because she lives 1,000 miles away but since he’s a father he loves kids. He also went as far to say that he would love to be a part of my daughter’s life and raise her as his own. Yes, THIS IS STILL AFTER ONLY KNOWING HIM FOR A DAY AND A HALF!!!! He even took offense to the fact that I didn’t want him around my child. Needless to say his application was promptly shredded and blacklisted.
That leads me to another misconception that guys have about dating single mothers: That we will naturally want to be with them because they have children. Before I became a mom I had a strict “no men with kids” policy. I was admittedly selfish as hell. I don’t want to share you or deal with your bitter Baby’s Mama or *shudder* Mama(s). Now it may sound hypocritical as hell but to this day I’m still not that thrilled to date guys with kids. While I do appreciate that men with children who are ACTUALLY INVOLVED IN THEIR CHILDREN’S LIVES understand the demands of being a parent, I don’t really like the idea of knowing that if we get married, there will always be another woman around for the rest of our lives.
I’m sure you’re probably wondering how as a single mother I can say that I prefer to not date a man with children, right? Because Bean’s father is barely around, I’m assuming the role of super parent. So there is vacant spot where her dad should be. When I meet someone they don’t have to worry about dealing with her father, because he’s not there. So I’m not bringing another man into our relationship. The guy wouldn’t have to worry about dealing with a “baby’s daddy” because he’s not there. On the contrary, when I meet a man with a child the mother is ALWAYS around because 9.9 times out of 10 she has custody of their child. So for the rest of his life, unless she dies or moves to another country, he will always have to go through the mother to spend some time with his child. There is no greater evil that will put a hideous dent in a budding relationship more than a single, bitter Baby’s Mother. I know because I’VE done it before!
So because I’m always thinking about those possibilities, fathers do not have an advantage in getting with a single mother like myself. Granted, there are exceptions to the rules. There are those few rare gems that have a structured relationship with their children and the child’s mother is in committed relationship or even better, married. I much rather prefer for her to be married or at least engaged. But for the most part, simply using the fact that you are also a parent holds no weight in determining whether or not I want to offer you the position.
Furthermore, bragging about being a parent when you’re a deadbeat father will get your application shredded, burned, blacklisted, and buried 22,000 miles under the sea. Seeing has how I have to double up my parental duties because of my child’s father’s lack of responsibility, I loathe deadbeat dads. I don’t care how good you are to me and my Bean if you aren’t even taking care of your own flesh and blood. I don’t want to hear how “crazy” your BM is or how she allegedly keeps you from your child. Any REAL father will do whatever it takes to be in his child’s life regardless of the mother’s antics. They will not be thwarted by an “evil” BM. Again, there are very few exceptions, but for the most part, they are simply deadbeats who don’t want to accept responsibility. I will never share my life or even introduce my child to a man who doesn’t even care for his own.
When I’m dating you, I’m just trying to date you. Of course me and Bean are a package deal, but she only surfaces after you have successfully completed your probationary period. What I do appreciate during this preliminary time is learning that you have admirable qualities that I wouldn’t mind bringing around her. No, I’m not out father shopping because you could be a wonderful father to Bean but a horrible boyfriend to me. Oh and “horrible” is completely subjective. My definition of “horrible” varies from guy to guy.
Don’t be so quick to try to throw on a cape thinking that I will swoon at your display of paternal instinct (if only this actually existed). While you may think you’re winning me over with your eager attitude about being a SuperDad to my child, you are only digging yourself deeper in the shredded pile. Furthermore, I watch too much Discovery ID and am naturally skeptical/borderline paranoid about people’s intentions. Even if you have good intentions, your eagerness reads to me as potential pedophile. As a GOOD mother, I will not bring men in and out of my daughter’s life nor will I even put her in a position of being around unfamiliar men who claim to “love little children”.
If you are interested in me, then be interested in me. I don’t want you to completely disregard the fact that I have a child, but don’t try to overdo it thinking that I will fall in love with you for being so proactive. When it’s right, the course of the relationship will not be forced but will flow smoothly and naturally. This means that everything will fall into place as it should without your persistence and disingenuous attitude toward my mini-me. Loving my Bean should not be your goal when we haven’t even established whether or not we’re exclusive.
Put the cape down Captain and just chill.
