Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem….Part 2
Because I stopped entering this room wearing rose-colored glasses doesn’t make me bitter. Because I choose not to wear visible armour, doesn’t make me naive. You see, my life experiences have taught me how to move in a room full of vultures. How I behave is genuine and I try to be as low about my techniques as possible.
The issue I have is with women who, because they have been hurt, adopt this ugly mentality of being the new-renaissance “men aint sht” “I’m thinking like a ngga” “I’m playing the game” type chicks and don’t really mean it. It’s one thing if you, like myself, internalize certain beliefs so your nonchalant attitude is just a part of your natural composition. It’s a completely different issue, however, if your attitude is based on some situation(s) where you got hurt and now rather than be trapped in your feelings, you choose to behave like the Anti-woman. Now you hate love and relationships. You are a firm believer in casual sex and say you never want to get married. You start comparing men to material items and deeming them worthy of only sexual gratification. Every man has the worst intentions in mind. Every man is exactly like your triflin ex. Every man is the scum of the Earth. You declare that you love being single and will never fall victim to another heartbreak because “nggaz aint sht”.
That’s cool…….the only problem I have is that you don’t actually mean it and we all know it.
You put on a teflon suit, get infrared goggles, and camo suit and think that you are maneuvering skillfully in this room filled with vultures. What you don’t realize is that your gaudy appearance doesn’t make you more capable of moving in silence. It simply makes you a more obvious target to the vultures. In other words, people see through the act.
I always say that you can tell how hurt someone is by how much they try to do everything to prove that they aren’t hurt. This includes mentioning in nearly every oral and written dialogue something disparaging to the opposite sex and how they have adopted an attitude that either totally deviates from their stereotypical expected behavior or is very extreme in its recklessness and emotional detached nature. In laymen’s terms, they try to appear as unemotional and cold-hearted as possible.
As I mentioned in Par 1, I can speak on this because I’ve been there. Now that I’m on the other side, I see just how obvious it was that I was trapped so deep in my feelings that the jaws of life couldn’t get me out. I grew and flourished from those ugly life experiences though. It took a few lightbulb moments for me to realize that putting on that Bitter Black Woman mask didn’t hurt anyone but myself.
Deep down I wanted to be as abrasive as possible to cause hurt for the hurt I felt. I wanted people to know how badly I didn’t give a fck so they could see how strong I was. Clearly only weak people get hurt, right? I wanted people to know I wasn’t phased by the unrequited loves because I was thinking like a man. “Fuck nggaz, I’m playing the field”. That’s the motto, right? If I act hard, people will never know the nights I spent crying myself to sleep from the pain. If I say “nggaz aint sht” people won’t be able to see that one too many pulled the wool over my college-educated eyes. If I say how I don’t belive in love and make a mockery of every loving relationship, no one will be able to discover the utter shambles that occurred in mine, right?…..Wrong!
I found out after some time, that the more I tried to explain how anti-man I was, the more I showed my true feelings. Hurt people say the most extreme things known to man to not appear hurt. When people break up, look at the statuses and declarations of the dumpee. Spend some time with them following the break up and listen to the ridiculous claims they make. Pitiful right?
So when you go from a charismatic, bubbly, optimistic person to an evil, cold, negative, man/woman-bashing creature, the only one you are fooling is yourself. We don’t believe you.
My transformation to the Martian I am today came from years of experience and is further shaped by my natural laid-back, unconventional mentality. So I don’t want anyone to think I’m being hypocritical based on some of the other things you may have heard me say recently or will hear me say in the future. This is me baby. My sht is genuine. I’m talking about people who are speaking from hurt places and don’t even believe in the persona they are trying to create.
Let’s be honest here. You say you never want to get married or be in another relationship. Do you really want to spend your life single? Yeah, the single life is cool in your 20′s and even early 30′s but once you pass 40-something and you’re the only single, child-less one among your friends is that attitude still cool?
You say you’re going to start “acting like a ngga and running game on these dudes” which usually translates into casual, no strings attached sexual relationships. Let me also quickly add that most females really aren’t built for that. So many women get their heart caught in their clitoris and couldn’t maintain an appropriate friends with benefits relationship if their lives depended on it. So do you really think it’s cute to just keep having fck buddies until you die? What happens when you reach 40-something and your pucci has depreciated in value. Not only are all your fck buddies married and settled but no one is checking for 40-something pucci with a horrible carfax report. All that casual fcking and the occasional STD has run up your vaginal mileage and turned your sht into a hole of despair. But, that’s cool right?
You say “nggaz aint sht” which just means you’ve dealt with a few bad apples. So you really believe that every man on the face of the Earth is a horrible creature incapable of doing right by any woman? You say you’re going to go to women because of that. You really think that you can just learn to love the taste of vagina and form a relationship with another emotional, menstruating creature despite the fact that really don’t think you like women?
See, once you start putting these unrealistic, emotionally charged statements into perspective, it makes your future sound just a glum and depressing as it is for everyone else to watch your one-man theatrical production of the person you really aren’t.
You know what comes from trying to pretend to be this hardcore, I’m-acting-like-a-dude charade? Nothing positive for you. You get depressed and miserable because you realize that your declarations aren’t affecting the intended targets the way you want them to. You get frustrated because the people who have burned you have *gasp* moved on with their lives with not so much as the slightest indication that they were sorry for any wrong-doing or that you ever even crossed their minds. You get even more hurt because you discover your motto of “nggaz aint sht” and “love isn’t real” has turned into a self-fulling prophecy. You attract what you put out, so your “nggaz aint sht” attitude attracts….AINT SHT NGGAZ! It’s bad enough to deal with these negative emotions on a psychological aspect, but to add whipped cream on your hate filled sundae, they actually manifest themselves into physical ailments.
Bitterness, resentment, pessimism, hatred, and despair will cause havoc on your body if you allow it to dictate most of your life. You get sick more often. You get frequent headaches. Physically you just feel weighted and fatigued. You see, carrying around the dead weight of hurt will make you physically feel like an elephant is sitting on top of you. No matter how much you try to pretend you aren’t affected, it won’t be long before you start to feel the weight of that elephant chillin on your shoulders.
We all hurt and we all grieve differently. Sometimes going through that emotional purge is what it takes to give you the motivation to move on. The key is how long you stay in that phase and how much of your emotional purging you try to digest and actually make yourself believe.
See when people really don’t care about something, guess what they do? THEY DON’T CONSTANTLY SAY HOW THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT WHATEVER THAT SOMETHING IS. So if your goal is to try to make everyone belive how hard-core and ahead of the game you are, going through all these extreme declarations of sentiments you don’t actually believe is counter-productive. When I’m over someone or something, you will never hear about it again unless you bring it up and ask me a question related to it. Why? Because once I shelf someone or something that I don’t really care about, that’s where they remain…on the shelf. They aren’t of importance and I don’t care enough to mention it so why would I constantly talk about how much I don’t care about them? That’s a contradiction.
The chicks who do this are just behaving from a hurt place. You say you don’t want love but deep, deep, DEEP down inside, you do. Men don’t want bitter, man-bashing, “I think like a man” type women. Straight men don’t want a woman who says she thinks like a man.
So your declaration that “nggaz aint sht, love is for the birds, I’m never getting married” actually becomes your reality. That attitude turns men completely off. I don’t know of any men who want to get with a woman who behaves like this. The man of your dreams, who God sent to show you that all men aren’t the same could be watching you from afar waiting to kiss those tears and repair your heart. Because you are too deep in your feelings to acknowledge the role you play in repelling the GOOD MEN away, your abrasive attitude and unattractive views on life which you don’t even really believe, could turn your potential King completely off.
You know what happens to bitter young women? They grow up to be bitter, old single women with parched vaginas and cold, love-less houses.
Just stop it. Stop the show. Stop the lies. Stop the extraness. Stop, stop, STOP!
I found that I used to get a lot of commentary and giggles when I was going through my Evil stage, but people weren’t applauding it. If they were applauding it, it was because they were just as hurt as me. Men weren’t knocking down my doors to come and save me. My life didn’t gain anything positive from it. Pretending to be someone you aren’t only fools yourself. Then it becomes a matter of how long you want to allow someone else to control your life to the point that they make you put on the mask of this hideous creature. And….yes, I said control.
If someone can dictate how you view an entire gender of humans, that person has control over you. One of the most poignant quotes I’ve ever heard, which I still carry with me today, is this: If someone can step into a room and change your attitude for the worse, that person has power over you.
If your man-hating is at the hands of a man or a few men, do you really think they give a flying fck that now you are going around trying to try out lezbunism (no typo) because they made you hate all men? Do you think they will come crawling back trying to do right by you (which is what you secretly desire) or write you a 4-page apology letter once they see how you are leading the Anti-man movement? No!
Closure is something that hurt people created to try to get reassurance that something isn’t wrong with them and/or a 2nd chance to prove that person wrong. Closure is not a requirement for the disintegration of a relationship and it’s something that usually you won’t get. Acting out has absolutely no affect on the people who contributed to your pain. They don’t care. Those nggs are somewhere not thinking about you and going on about their business with a new victim. So who is the act for?
It’s ok to be hurt. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to be fed up. Hell, from time to time I may show my estrogen levels as well. What’s not ok is pretending to be this love-less, hateful creature because deep down you are in pain. You can deny the pain all you want, but if someone affected you to the point of you making generalizations on an entire gender, then you, my darling, are HURT.
The best revenge you can ever achieve is to move on and succeed. You know what really hurts people who do you wrong? When they see you doing amazing. When they look at you and can’t even recognize who you are because you have made so many positive strides. Furthermore when it’s hard for them to even see you because of how high you are flying.
Losers brag about making women bitter. You really want a dude to talk to his boys about you like this:
Loser: Yeah dawg. I quit fcking with her and the btch is going crazy. Talking about nggaz aint sht and she bout to become a lesbian and sht. Btch buggin!
But oh, when you are doing well and have moved on HE/THEY are on the opposite end of the hurt sword when they get word of how great you look, what you have achieved, and more importantly how you show no indication of even thinking about them.
Stop pretending. Stop giving these aintshtnggza and women the power to make you someone you aren’t. There is nothing wrong with being realistic and aware. Not being naive, however, is vastly different from being bitter and resentful. You can enter situations with caution without being a man hating demon spawn. It’s ok to still believe that there is good out there because there is. You can still be optimistic and hopeful AND be realistic using your experiences as a guide for awareness. You shouldn’t use them as a crystal ball of what will happen.
Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem. Let your beauty shine through in the midst of you perils.
