Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a Gem…Pt 1
January 25, 2012 at 6:29 pm (Uncategorized) (angry black women, bitter women, dating, heartbreak, Mars chicks, realism, social media, the new woman)
I don’t like “posers” in any capacity. One sub-category of posers who particularly irk me are the new-found “Angry Black Women/Think Like a Man” type females….you know….the ones who only adopt that mentality based on some situation(s) that occured….yeah. This is about them.
As a reformed Angry Bitter Black Woman, I feel über qualified to speak on this ridiculousness. If you know me and know my “journey” you can attest to the fact that I have truly turned over a new leaf and made monumental growth. I could have single-handedly led an Angry Black Woman movement without the help of Tyler Perry or Steve Harvey. Yeah….I was the worst. With age and experience, however, comes growth and progression. So because I have been there, I can now look back and see just how ugly that place is. So, out of the kindness of my sometimes luke-warm heart, I feel I should do a service to my sisters and kick some knowledge to them right quick.
Before I get into that, let me just go ahead and put this out in the atmosphere.
I call myself a Martian because I truly do not think like the stereotypical woman. No, I wouldn’t say I “think like a man” though several men have told me that my attitudes and actions sometimes surprise them with their masculine tinged thought process. I simply think like me. It just so happens that how I feel about love and life doesn’t exactly align itself with what is expected of me as a fertile, attractive, unmarried, educated woman raised in a Christian household who is actively on the market. Truth be told, though I am brutally honest, painfully blunt, and undeniably direct in my statements, I hold a lot back….Shocking, I know.
For the sake of preserving my femininity, overall appeal, and not wanting to have to defend myself all day everyday, I don’t practice full disclosure in terms of my actual mentality. What that mentality is, I will never say. Only a handful, and I do mean a handful of about 4-5 people, know my actual stance on issues because I know they don’t judge me. These few are people I have known for years. One of which, I have been friends with for 20 years. Everyone else, however, gets what I want to openly reveal. No, I’m not being misleading nor am I lying about who I am, I’m practicing the art of tact.
Just because you feel a certain way you don’t need to constantly make people aware of it. As long as it’s not something that can compromise your dignity, well-being, and integrity by it being concealed, you don’t need to make it known. I’m aware that my Martian tendencies aren’t understood by everyone. Rather than deal with the judgment, confusion, and misinterpretation that would follow, I play it low-key. If you pay close attention to me, you will discover that my closeted attitudes about certain things may subtly and unintentionally reveal themselves. You have to pay SUPER close attention though because I am very aware of everything I put out for the masses.
I’m very self-aware. I’m also disgustingly analytical, detail-oriented, and critical. So make no mistake, I put out what I want you to know and/or what I have no qualms about other people knowing. So don’t think for a second if you see a status or tweet that I’m leaking TMI or some intimate detail of my life that you can gossip about. I mentally proofread everything about 12 times before I decide to hit ”share”. With that being said, when I talk about how I feel about certain things, understand that I am aware of how I will be perceived. Double standards exist. They suck but there’s no changing them. For that reason, I am careful with how I word things and mindful of what I say.
Despite my attitudes about double standards, I believe that a woman should always know her place. Show me a boastful, Independent “I don’t need a man I got my own” woman and I will show you an Eternally single woman. I know my place. I am very strong, self-sufficient, and adamant about my standards but I’m not stupid. I was raised by a phenomenally strong woman and an equally strong man who have been married for 34 years. I’ve learned a thing or two about what it really means to submit whilst retaining control. My mother taught me how to behave like a woman is supposed to. Thus, I know how to still remain appealing without losing my foundation nor scaring potentials away by revealing my Martian layers.
You see, my Martian tendencies are easily controlled and flexible when need be. So don’t for a second think that once I get my claws into my victim I pull the bait and switch and try to get them to accept the fact that there’s a spaceship in my living room. I know as a woman, no straight man wants to date a woman who thinks like him, so I play my part accordingly. I behave, for the most part, as society expects, but I apply my Martian knowledge in all scenarios. This allows me to never be blinded and remain a realist to the core.
NOW…..For those of you who are wondering what the fck this has to do with my title and what I initially said this blog post was gonna be about, let me finish.
I say all this to make you all aware that my attitude about everything on which I speak is REAL. No fabrication. No influence. No show for the crowd. My mentality is from the most honest place in my heart. My mentality has been shaped by a plethora of experiences. Because of how attitudes like mine are viewed by the masses, despite its genuine nature, I am very careful with how I reveal certain views.
You’re probably lost so let me give you these scenarios to smooth this out and wrap this up:
Imagine you are a person who loves eating pig testicles. Now, seeing as how eating animal genitalia is particularly frowned upon in our culture, you don’t go around telling everyone you would rather eat pig nuts than Zaxbys. Now, you don’t stop eating the pig nuts but you know not to tell the world that you have a deep freezer full of them.
Imagine you are a single atheist in a room full of Christian extremists. You know you are alone and you also know that you couldn’t fight nor debate all 535 Christians inhabiting the room with you. Rather than start a riot with you strong religious views, you keep mum about your faith. When religion comes up, you are very vague or more favorably skewed with your responses. Does it mean you started believe in God? No. But you know you can’t fight the majority so you act appropriately.
This final example, is perhaps the most accurate to describe my Martian-ness: Say you are a white supremacist who works in corporate America. Now, you dress appropriately, interact with all of your co-workers on an equal basis and in no way is there any indication of your racist views. Why? Because you know that in corporate America it is expected for you to behave a certain way to advance. In the privacy of your home, you’re still a racist, but as long as you can help it, you will never reveal your true attitude. Not only is it frowned upon but it could damage your reputation, success, and any potential employment in the future. You aren’t lying about who you are, but you are acting appropriately.
See, this is called knowing how to move in a room full of vultures. I believe this will be the point where I attempt to make a Segway into Part 2 which will actually talk about the topic.
So you just walked into this room backwards with a blindfold and believe you are being low………On to Part 2……
